things that occur inside my mind

i've been thinking a lot lately.

about the healing process. about creating art, making something tangible. the process. cutting paper, strokes of the paint brush. gluing, taping, stapling, sewing. making something out of nothing. making something out of everything.

i believe that art heals. i have faith in art, i have faith in the creative process.


i went to college intending to study art therapy. halfway through i got restless - i felt stuck, i felt unhappy, i felt like i needed change - and so, i made a decision to change my major. just like that. since then, i've realized this is a pattern in my life. when my depression sneaks back in to my life, i don't recognize it right away. it just feel like an itch to make change - something's not right, so i just go ahead and decide to fix something without really figuring out what needs to be fixed first. so i tend to make decisions that i might not otherwise make.

i believe in art therapy more than i believe in anything else in my life. i've been feeling so strange lately - because i'm starting to see that i should have stuck it out - i should have fought through the urge for change - i should have graduated with a degree in art therapy. it's in my blood. it's the only thing i'm sure of. art is truth. it's the only truth i know, and i'm feeling such a strong pull back to my roots. back to the one thing that makes me feel whole. i am so glad that i'm continuing to create, continuing to heal and tell my story.

but ... what do i do now? where do i go from here? what do i do "with my life"? (aside from create). i don't think i'll ever feel fulfilled in a 9 to 5. but right now, i have to find a way to make it work. i have a mortgage to pay, school loans, bills, a life to live. so boring job it is for now. for now.

i have to remember that.

this is only temporary.

alright blog world, thanks for letting me get that out. it's been a hard monday morning.